Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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