Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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