shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
