I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
