yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
