I think i peed on brittanys purse
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
