remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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