my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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