i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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