remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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