I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I still have a little drunk in my system
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
