dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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