it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
