the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
