One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't deserve a penis
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize