I hate all girls vehemently.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
