Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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