Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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