Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
