i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
