He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
