There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
