but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
