On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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