I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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