You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
