The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize