I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
