the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
