just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
