I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize