I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
