How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
