I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
