just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
