Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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