I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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