seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
