Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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