im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
