Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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