i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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