Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
