when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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