I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
