i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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