Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
