he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
