I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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