3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
