If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
