There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
