Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
