Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
