I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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