Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
