all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize