Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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