i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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