I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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