She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
