well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
