I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
