My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
