im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
