We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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