I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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